Bi-Weekly Newsletter

This is the third newsletter; a turd was left on the tracks this morning leading to major disruption on lines skidding through Waterpoo.

Whilst on a high note, the carollers have returned to our town to tinkle about some festive cheer. The choir, year upon year, since 2025, is hired by STR management to bring that, almost unbelievable and slightly paranormal, magic to the STR service. Due to all STR staff being on their Christmas holidays, our trains are now being solely operated by reindeers. ‘Reindeers?!’, you may say, but fear not, the STR team has hand selected the most gifted and talented of the Cervidae community. From Oxbridge educated engineers, to the proteges of Dasher, Comet and Rudolph, your train travel is in safe hooves. We’ve received a statement from one of the reindeers, Chief Festive Locomotive Inertia Officer, Mr. Ryan Dear-Droppings,

‘’

Author’s translation: ‘Our reindeer team are entirely equipped to deal with the ins and outs of train management. Every member of staff has at least their Maths and English GCSE with some even completing an A Level or two. With teamwork, resilience and a biblical amount of carrots, STR will be there for everyone’s Christmas travel needs.’

Hairyart Lea FC players are making final preparations for their Boxing Day match. It is now confirmed that they will be taking on Burnlea at home as absolutely no one from either team wanted to spend any part of the festive period in or around the north west due to its ability to make anyone from any other part of the country feel desperately inferior.

Hurry! Tickets for this long-awaited match for Hairyart Lea FC are in short supply due to the entire family stand being bought out by our number 7, Becks and his mistresses.

20% VAT has been avoided on all of these tickets.

Get the last remaining few here.

The exhibition, Snail Trail Rail: A Retrospective, that was running over the past 2 weeks, has been an xmas shit!* The visiting figures equate to the population of all of the Solar System (minus Earth) combined! The exhibition is now over to make room for the plethora of items that will need to be added when the train line someday, likely in the next couple of generations, opens.

Author has experienced an eclectic range of train travel over the last fortnight. From a LNWR train soaring through what little the midlands have to offer, to a mighty Avanti train that refuses to accept anything but a decade passing before you reach your destination. Even an STR train, that is yet to exist, would, with absolute certainty, get you home faster.  

*smash hit.